Movie Review: 12 Rounds (2009)

12 Rounds (2009)

First of all, the version I watched was the unrated or "Extreme" version on one of those DVDs that pretends to exude more value by advertising multiple cuts. The "Extreme" version is simply a PG-13 movie with 3 extra swears thrown in, most of them extraneous.

Now onto the film.

Renny Harlin is a director who found some fame making `80s action blockbusters in the `90s like Die Hard 2 (1990), The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996), Deep Blue Sea (1999) and one of the greatest action movies of all time: Cliffhanger (1993). He also bankrupted a studio with the stinker Cutthroat Island (1995). Lately, the demand for his style of filmmaking has waned and he has struggled to find a new niche. All the same, I follow his career with interest due to his talent for filming terrific action sequences in even the worst movies, the latest of which is 12 Rounds. So how does this WWE financed turd fit into Harlin`s canon? Unfortunately, somewhere near the bottom. It does feature some dependably exciting action sequences, but most are difficult to sit through because of exhausted action-scenario contrivances and other elements that come off as being way too convenient.

This is a Saw movie done in the action-film format.

The main character is cowboy police officer named Danny and, yes, somebody does sing "Danny Boy" in this film: this is indicative of the high quality of wit that 12 Rounds strives for. Danny (John Cena) must thwart a revenge plot by a pissed off criminal mastermind who has kidnapped Danny's girlfriend and forces the unassuming detective to pass a series of death-defying tests to win her back. It's a simple structure and one that, if executed carefully, could deliver an action-packed adrenaline rush that warms the soul. Brevity, however, is not the film's strongpoint. Even the action scenes carry on too long and most are boring because we have seen it all before. It's like that stupid highway fight scene in the second Matrix movie that just wouldn't end despite the fact that you stopped caring after the first minute. But I digress.

The villain is apparently an Irishman - although his accent flounders in and out so I think it might be a trick - who is supposedly the most brilliant criminal mastermind on the planet. He inevitably outsmarts a pair of ineffectual FBI agents who possess the social maturity of eighth graders. They fight and bicker, hold each other up against walls as they mutter threats, and display an unprofessional degree of competition about who is most often right. Take the cliché cops from Die Hard (1988) and add two cups of juvenile.

The music would be forgettable if it didn't standout so painfully. The music is so bad I wouldn't be surprised if filmmakers entrusted the soundtrack to a group of teenagers who play in their garage and were paid in pizza.

My favourite part is at the end where the villain is shooting Danny from a helicopter. Danny takes the leap of faith, grabbing onto the helicopter and scrambling inside. Danny's girlfriend, Molly, dependably warns, "Watch out Danny, he's got a gun." Yeah. A reminder was definitely necessary.

The final verdict: a horrendously written action film made barely watchable because of a handful of predictable-but-fun action sequences. Still, I can't wait to see what Harlin does next.

Professor P